Purgatory is Work Parties

Story of an Afternoon Spent Somewhere

It’s a late summer Sunday afternoon and a girl I met on a dating app is meeting me there. We’re a remote company so it’s not an office party per se. It’s a backyard party at an executives house. At least it’s not far from my apartment. I’m wondering if I should introduce my date as my girlfriend. We’ve been on a few dates but we haven’t even kissed yet. Girlfriend seems more aspirational than accurate so I just introduce her by name and let people draw their own conclusions.

The lunch is vegetarian wraps catered from a local place. We eat the wraps and talk about the pros and cons of remote work. We all miss seeing people during the day. We’re all glad we don’t have to commute. Except for me. I was the bike guy and I miss getting to ride my bike to work. Everyone asks if I still ride my bike. Yes, not as much but I still ride. That’s the same answer I give to half a dozen people. I try to give the words the same emphasis each time. Like I’m an actor. Tom Cruise on set delivering the same line perfectly each time.

The cause of celebration is an upper manager’s retirement. Thirty-nine years. Standard joke: Are you sure you don’t want to do forty? We sit around a TV that is barely visible in the afternoon sun and the third highest C-suiter is delivering slide show of the retiree’s time at the company. He peppers inside jokes and anecdotes as he goes.

After the slide show ends a special surprise. They hired an ice cream truck to provide desert. We line up for soft serve and decide between vanilla, chocolate, or swirl. The ice cream comes with a strange sour not that prompts speculation that the dairy has turned. Despite this we all eat it an no one gets sick.

Twenty more minutes of small talk and the party starts to break up. People leaving say it was fun and they should do this again. Just get people together. It was a fine afternoon.

Now I feel glad to be going somewhere else.